


come out to the sea, my love (drown with me)

by freckledpianoman



Category: Outer Banks (TV)
Genre: Angst, Cuddling & Snuggling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, by which i mean WORD VOMIT, i didn't edit this at all bye, i just felt like posting something and getting out some feelings, this is basically an introspective
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-03
Updated: 2020-05-03
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:35:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23976085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/freckledpianoman/pseuds/freckledpianoman
Summary: a post s1 look look at jj and kiara coping together.
Relationships: JJ/Kiara (Outer Banks)
Comments: 7
Kudos: 138





	come out to the sea, my love (drown with me)

It’s two a.m. and Kiara is sliding out of her window and into the muggy heat of the Outer Banks- this is something she’s done hundreds of times, but this is different. Nobody knows that she is coming or going, and if she disappears that’s all that will happen. She’ll disappear.

But that’s not actually her goal with sneaking out- she just needs to go for a while. Go anywhere that’s not as suffocating as her room- it’s filled with memories. Not so many memories with the Pogues, but with Sarah. Sarah Cameron, who’s probably dead- who deserved more sympathy than Kiara ever gave her.

Kiara has wasted a lot of time. She’s wasted time drinking, smoking, fishing- wasted time holding grudges. That’s why she’s headed for the Routledge house now. The bank still hasn’t repossessed it by some miracle, and the police are out of there by now, she’d checked. She needs to be at the Chateau because she thinks that’s the only place where she’ll feel right anymore- it’s basically a tomb to her friends, now.

She takes one of her family’s two cars- they won’t miss it if they don’t know it’s gone, and she knows she’ll get it back on time. She cranks the radio down and puts down the windows, trudging off towards the Cut- she drives in silence, because she’s been blocking out her thoughts for so long they’re starting to give her a migraine.

Her thoughts basically revolve around her guilt and anger. That’s all she feels right now. She feels guilt for not trying harder with Sarah- for not trying just a  _ bit  _ harder, because maybe that could’ve made all the difference. Anger because it wasn’t her job to reach out, yet she still feels guilt about it. And she’s angry that John B. could leave them like that.

It wasn’t his choice- and in the long run, the Pogues probably could’ve been more helpful to him, tried harder to open him up, but it’s too late for that. All she can do is reflect on her mistakes. And on the off chance that John B. and Sarah made it, she can make it up to them. Thinking about it like that takes some of the pressure off.

Before she knows it, she’s pulling up to the Chateau, staring at the dark windows and pretending she’s somewhere else- the past, where she’s not here to mourn, she’s just here to smoke some weed and hang out with her boys. She may never get that again, though. She may be stuck in this cycle for the rest of her life. That sounds melodramatic, but she can’t see herself recovering anytime soon- can’t see the Outer Banks as anything other than the town that killed two of her best friends (who were totally innocent, by the way).

She knew of the inherent flaws of the society that the Outer Banks had- such a split between the rich and the poor was obvious to cause tension, but she never acknowledged the effect it could have on her. She had feet in both worlds and she’d been fine for as long as she could remember- she realizes now that it was selfish to think of it like that. 

But now it has affected her, and it’s probably killed John B. and Sarah. She keeps circling back to that- they’re dead.

She slips through the front door as quietly as possible, the familiar smells of slightly rotting wood and beer hitting her like a time machine. She can’t go back- she has to face forward. Pope already is- he’s still working towards a scholarship, towards a future.

She hasn’t talked to him in a few days- they decided to stay just friends and it felt like cutting off her only support system, which was dumb, because Pope would support her no matter what, she just feels bad.

She glances at the couch and almost has a stroke when she sees the silhouette of a person curled up on it. She rushes (as quietly as possible) to turn on the lamp and finds… JJ.

Kiara hasn’t talked to him in, like, a week. They talked really briefly after everything went down, and then it was like they couldn’t bear to confront their problems together. They split up- John B. would hate this. JJ is cradling his own head in his elbow and breathing slow, even breaths- his eyes are rimmed red, and she’s glad to know she’s not the only one who’s been crying, because she was starting to feel like she was dragging this grief thing along

She debates waking him up for a split second before she decides that, no, she should let him have his time and just leave. This is probably the safest place he can be right now, she should let him have this. He wakes up anyways.

His eyes flutter open and zero in on her- he visibly relaxes when he realizes who she is.

“Hey, Kie.” He murmurs, tucking his face into his elbow and rubbing his eyes before looking back up at her. 

“Hey. You having a little sleepover?” She recovers from her panic fairly quickly and plops down next to his feet. He shifts to sit up and turns to face her.

“Yeah. I miss John B.” He shrugs like it’s nothing, and she realizes he’s probably been thinking about this for a long time if he managed to spit out something so vulnerable so quickly- he’s never really been one talk about his emotions, he’s much better at talking around them.

“I miss them both.” She sighs and does a double take when he huffs under his breath.

“Don’t try and one up me, Kiara.” She’s glad it’s him she’s talking to, his humor tends to take the pressure off her shoulders for a second.

“Sorry. I just…” She chokes as she looks for the words.

“What?” He prods, nudging her ankle with his foot. They’re slouched shoulder to shoulder, staring at the wall- but he glances over to see her face pinched in contemplation.

“I wasted a lot of time being mad at Sarah. I could’ve had more time with her if I just… got over myself, if that makes sense.” She specifically avoids making eye contact with him, beacuse she knows she’ll definitely burst into tears on the spot.

“Well, I guess you can thank me for the time that you did have. ‘Cause I got you guys back together.” He jokes. Sometimes these poorly timed jokes do not land, but luckily this one does, because she laughs and rests her head on his shoulder.

“Yeah, thanks. Dumbass.” She murmurs and releases a breathy yawn.

“You’re sending mixed signals, Kie. You’re getting all close to me and calling me names, I don’t know what to make of this.”

“I’m grieving, don’t I get a pass?” She yawns again, wiping her eyes.

“I guess. Since I’m so nice.” He moves to lay them both down, her on the outside of the couch and him wrapped around her. “We’re gonna make it through this.” He breathes next to her ear and shivers run up her spine.

“Yeah- we’ll do it together.” She decides, turning her body to face him and nuzzling her head into the crook of his neck. 

They’ve got a long way to go, but she doesn’t feel so alone on that road together. She’ll protect him, because he and Pope are all she has left.

She doesn’t get the car back to her house on time- she stays tucked into JJ’s side.

**Author's Note:**

> i didn't edit this at all, anyways follow my tumblr @freckledpianoman
> 
> title is from shallows by daughter


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